Kermit here – can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em

She’s out of town. 

So, I didn’t watch the Muppets when I was growing up.  We lived in a small town with no cable, only 3 fuzzy networks from rabbit ears but without muppets.

However, for whatever reason I once watched Kermit sing a song about women (female pigs ? – I don’t know)    –  can’t live with em, can’t live without em.

Tonight I keep hearing that song.   Guess I should add “can’t sleep without em.”

Anyway, a quick Google and seconds later I was reading a full description of the song as found at:  http://www.whysanity.net/muppets/better.html

Here it is:

Rowlf & Kermit–both voiced by Jim Henson–sing their laments about women after Miss Piggy just walked out on her date with Kermit.   

(By the way, this does not imply that my lovely spouse has anything in common with Miss Piggy.    According to Wikipedia, “In an interview with the New York Times in 1979, Frank Oz outlined Piggy’s biography: ‘She grew up in a small town in Iowa; her father died when she was young, and her mother wasn’t that nice to her. She had to enter beauty contests to survive, as many single women do. She has a lot of vulnerability which she has to hide, because of her need to be a superstar.’ ”    My spouse is not from Iowa and her father is not dead.  ) 

Wikipedia also says that in The Muppet Movie, Miss Piggy has just won a beauty contest (Miss Bogen County) when she first meets Kermit and joins the Muppets.  Which reminds me, for obvious reasons, of a “beauty contest” held in my hometown every year  – Miss Hamerica.  It wasn’t a pig pageant – well it was – but it was for human females.  Very weird.  Tried to google “Miss Hamerica” to verify the existence of the contest for you but alas my hometown apparently has not been introduced to the Internets. 

         

 

Rowlf:Evenin’ Rowlf. Rowlf the Dog. Sit yourself down.
Kermit: Kermit. Kermit the Frog.
Rowlf: Please to meet ya.
(Rowlf plays a rapid musical scale across the piano’s keys)
Rowlf: I’m no Heifetz, but I get by.
Kermit: That was…that was very nice.
(Rowlf notices Kermit’s sad mood)
Rowlf: Whoa, hey, broken heart, right?
Kermit: Does it show?
Rowlf: Listen, when you’ve been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you’ve seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every fallen star!
Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
Rowlf: Ah, typical. That’s why I live alone.
Kermit: You do, huh?
Rowlf: (starts the song’s intro) Yep. I finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.
Kermit: Nice and simple.
Rowlf: Stay away from women. That’s my motto.
Kermit: But I can’t.
Rowlf: Neither can I. That’s my trouble…

 

Rowlf:
You can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.
There’s somethin’ irresistabullish about ’em.
We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long.
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

Kermit: (spoken): Yeah, I know what you mean…

Kermit:
It’s no good complainin’ and pointless to holler.
Rowlf:
If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar.
Kermit:
She made a monkey out of old King Kong,
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

Rowlf:
Ah, but what could be better than a saucy Irish setter
When puppy love comes on strong?
Or a collie that’s classy, a laddie needs a lassie,
A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life.

Kermit: (spoken):Uh, Rowlf, was that a new ‘leash’ on life?
Rowlf: (spoken): Oh yeah…sorry about that.

Kermit:
I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I betcha
Come “Father’s Day”, the litter bug’s gonna getcha;
Rowlf:
The urge is righteous, but the face is wrong.
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

Kermit:
Still, it’s fun when they’re fetching,
And agree to see an etching
That you keep at your lily pad.
There is no solution, it’s part of evolution,
Rowlf:
The pitter-patter of soles,
The little feet of tadpoles!

Kermit: (spoken)Ah, Rowlf, tadpoles don’t have feet!
Rowlf: (spoken) Oh. Sorry about that…. 2, 3, 4!

Kermit:
There’s no limitation to mixin’ and matchin’
Rowlf:
Some get an itchin’ for a critter they’ve been scratchin’.
A skunk was badgered the results were strong.
Both:
I hope that somethin’ better,
I hope that somethin’ better,
I hope that somethin’ better comes along!!!
Rowlf:Beep bop bidder da dum dum bum bum bum!

Rowlf: (spoken): It’s not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad!