Listen, we have a fantastic family.  Two moms and a wonderful boy.  Nice house, nice cars, great neighbors and school.  Our families love us.  We’re healthy and fun.   We’re smart.  We’re a great looking couple.  We have fun, nice friends . . . 

In my mind we have two issues:  1) too much debt and 2) one of the moms is unhappy with the other  – she’s unhappy with me. 

I think that she’s decided that it will never work and so she no longer makes any effort to see anything good about me or our relationship.  She has given up and is just looking for the right time to make her exit. 

She’s so wrong.  We are so lucky.

Help us. 




  1. My partner and I are the happiest couple I’ve ever seen in my life, straight or gay. We are very deliberate about how we keep our love healthy, happy and strong. We use gratitude. This might sound a little far fetched, but what we do is that each of us writes out a list of things we’re feeling grateful for today. (We do this everyday.) The real power is in writing the list, but we take it one step beyond… we give the list to each other. Even if we’re angry with each other, we still share our gratitude. It really, really works. The other thing we do is to wake up 20 minutes earlier than we need to get up everyday and have some form of sex, but only for 20 minutes, everyday. Sex doesn’t always mean orgasms or anything that traditionally is defined as “sex”; for us sex can be cuddling or making out or just stroking each other’s bellies for 20 minutes. (We set a timer.) This is an idea we got from the book “Urban Tantra”.

    That’s our story. I hope your request for help wasn’t rhetorical.

    Best of luck! Katie

  2. 2lesbosgoinatit says:

    Hi Kate,

    Thanks for taking your time to help me with my family. Your suggestion of a list sounds like a good one and hey, you say it works. At this point we will take any help offered and “no” the request was not rhetorical. We’re two women/mothers with very strong personalities. Our relationship is too long and complicated to sum it up in a sentence or two as you’ve probably noticed from earlier posts. But I want to save our relationshp and she doesn’t think that she wants to at this point. I’ll send your comment to her and we’ll see what she says in response and I’ll post it as with her response to my anniversary card. As for the sex suggestions, the a.m. won’t work for two reasons: 1) she won’t agree and 2) our son often ends up in the bed with us by the time we wake up. I have to admit that I’m laughing about the timer – both that you do it (so cute) and the idea of us trying to use it. 20 minutes, huh? That’s probably the cumulative minutes this year that we’ve had sex. If she’d agree to that one – I’d be all over it . . .

  3. 2lesbosgoinatit says:

    Katie – oh cute Katie . . .

    Here is the email conversation that followed:

    2lesbosgoinatit Message to Lovely Spouse: A Blog Reader Made Some Suggestions to Us – Will You Agree to Try This? Katie’s email enclosed to Lovely Spouse.

    Reply from Lovely Spouse: maybe in the future

    2lesbosgoinatit Message to Lovely Spouse: with whom?

  4. Oh,ye of little faith.

    Well, all I can tell you is my own personal experience. I’ve had my share of wonderful, loving relationships that slowly got harder and harder and finally couldn’t survive the accumulation of bad feelings that built up without release. I was married and divorced once; I loved that woman more than life. watching her slip away and finally leave was the single most painful experience of my life. My current wife/partner, Peaches, has a similar (if not harsher) history. There’s nothing ethereal about our relationship, except for the way we choose to function within it (i.e. living in gratitude.)

    Seriously, as far fetched as it sounds, it doesn’t matter whether your wife participates or not. (Okay, it matters for the 20 minutes of sex per day, you got me there.) We really are focused energy fields existing within a larger energy field. What we think and feel and do affects (directly) every other particle of energy, even to the furthest reaches of the universe! (Ask any physicist, she’ll tell you the same.) What we choose to resonate within our own energy field affects everyone around us. How bad would it be if you acknowledged in writing your gratitude and your wife refused to participate? If you share it with her, all the better. It could warm her heart and reconnect her with that love that first brought you 2 together to see you living your gratitude and freely sharing it with her. At a bare minimum, it’ll make you feel good to write down the things you feel grateful for. And if you do it everyday, in a fairly short time that attitude of gratitude will be resonating through the energy field that is you. The larger energy field (the universe) will respond to that.

    What do you have to lose?

    XO, Katie

  5. 2lesbosgoinatit says:

    Hi Katie –

    Glad to see that you returned to the scene of my many crimes.

    Strangely enough, our anniversary evening turned into one of our best evenings together in a couple of weeks.

    She hasn’t said it but I think that she’s a tiny bit open to us repairing the damage.

    I met with a personal coach a few months back. Long story . . . bottom line she made the same suggestion as you regarding the daily expression of gratitude. And, I’m wondering if my anniversary card served the gratitude purpose for both of us yesterday and . . . it worked 🙂

    I’ll keep you posted. Thanks!

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